Blogoff 2: Walking with Angels
An insight into living with cPTSD and DID. A small excerpt.
(Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Dissociative Identity Disorder)
It’s not often in life you come across a person so unique in dealing with a lifetime of abuse and mental health issues yet still be able to function and contribute to society at all levels. I first met April some two years ago when with the click of a button she appeared on my social media page. Another friend request accepted another number added to my total. Little did I know then just how close a friendship it would become and the insight and depth I would learn from her of the trauma and abuse that has endured her from the age of four to the present day age of forty six. Having had to suppress this disease inwardly and in silence all her life it is only this year that she has found some of that weight lifted by writing down the memories through her recent blog site. Sufferers of cPTSD and DID will readily connect with the words on this page. To non-sufferers I would say take time to read this snippet of her life with an open mind and without judgement, it’s just the tip of the iceberg. For me it has been, and still is, a truly humbling, enlightening, shocking and yes sometimes funny journey through her world.
Interview with April:
April asked me to write some of the rest: I should start by saying for those who may not be aware April is taking the first few steps on a huge journey of self-help and hopefully a help and support to all those who can relate and stop by these pages. I spent the evening talking with April via text, well April did most of the talking, I listened as the memories still haunt her. Clean and sober when they married I listened to her tell of her husband’s 8 years in AA. When the drinking stopped gambling became the new addition, three separate phases, 3 years in, then 7, then 10+. The worst part was April had no idea it was happening. Some might find that strange but her husband was good at covering his tracks, he worked shifts and even went to the extent of changing the time on all the clocks in the house!
Each time April had no clue of the gambling, in her own words she was young, hopeful and very much in love, (at this point in our conversation April showed me a picture of her and her husband in happier times, 1998). When the gambling addiction finally surfaced and her husband confessed what followed was a financial mess, expensive and painful, and a need to get him and herself help!!
I listened while she told me of his own world that he lived in, how he would shut down, not even knowing April was there, distant and emotionally empty. How she would think it was her fault he paid her no attention. How she tried harder to be a good wife.
Although not ever normally violent, I listened while April told me one night during sex he turned mean and violent physically pinning her down. It was only ever once he did this during the marriage.
It was an enlightening evening with April and I needed to catch my breath at the end of it. However we should balance the scales as nobody is qualified to sit in judgement reading this. It was not all bad, in Aprils own words, ‘he was good to me’. “We were happy when we were happy”
Author: Ghost Writer